The first blog : The first blog

I'm losing confidence

2008-01-13T20:50:27Z

... in myself. I think I'm beginning to stop loving .__. I do not feel that thumping when I think about him. Maybe myself is just protecting from the pain of not seeing him and keeps on ignoring every feeling concerning him.

I feel like C.G Jung xD

Not sure ...

2008-01-06T19:38:05Z

I'm not sure anymore. About what I should do with my life. I'm afraid of changes. But mostly I'm the one who does change.

It kinda turns out like sort of been shizophrenic xD Gosh, I'm hopeless xD

Alone

2008-01-03T22:26:44Z

I'm listening to the Ameli�- Soundtrack and feel alone.

Don't feel like doing anything. I want to draw a fanart for my fanfiction. I love the pairing shin x natsu... although, she hasn't asnwered him yet xD

Empty ~

2007-12-09T22:00:56Z

I feel somewhat empty ... I dunno, what it is... Just made some cookies with my mum and my sister (she visited us after a long time) but ...well I guess I'm gettin' this sickness all housewifes get in winter...WINTER DEPRESSION -___- ....

But tomorrow I'll see my husband .... but still I am feeling of losing.

I am not missing him. Maybe it's that I just do not want to miss him, because when he goes to military I won't see him for a long time. I don't want to get broken by missing him. I wish I could cry, but it wouldn't help, or make anything better. And I am dreaming of cheating on him ... and I quite do not know how to cope with that. ...It's just fuqqing crap.

... so I just feel like an emo.

Little finger ...

2007-11-30T20:37:56Z

Today in gym class we played some volleyball ... and it smashed my stupid little finger ... typical for me. Tomorrow I have to go see the doctor and he'll have to do some x-ray thingies... Sport's not good .__.' And tomorrow I'll have to write a test because I missed the philosophy one .__.'

FUQQ

Oh and by the way ...

It's my 15th anniversary ...I'm 15 months together with my husband� ~ LOVE <333

Missed test, missed theatre... .__.'

2007-11-24T18:48:11Z

...Gosh, I'm preparing myself for the coming spanisch test and the philosophy test ..

Everything sucks...

Except my lovely sweetheart x333 (he hates this word muahaha)

Still ill ...-x-

2007-11-21T16:35:44Z

Friday will be a philosophy test ... and I don't understand utilitarism and Epicour ... friggin' hell... These guys Bentham and Mill are freaks >__<'

And maths test was okay, although I did not do everythin' ... gosh I'll get a D or E xD Again xD

My "husband" doesn't know what to buy as a christmas present for me ~ and he's getting ill, too.

My fault T^T'

Maths reaaally suckz

2007-11-20T19:50:21Z

Tomorrow, there'll be a maths-test ... Well maths aren't my best subject in school, you know. I'll look through some books and them go to sleep... I'm getting ill, my throat aches and my nose, too. Oh, and I have temperature (No, I'm not getting emo at all xD). I hope I'll be okay until next� weekend. I'll go with my literature-group to maastricht and Mrs. I'll-stab-you-if-you-get-ill will stab me if I get ill xD

Sooo ...there are no more options left haha >:D

Yesterday troubles

2007-11-11T13:57:44Z

I knew, that it might had been better staying at home and watching TV ~ but NO, monday knows everything best.

Firstly most people who have been invited have canceled so there were only me, WusLe and *itch. It was kinda boring, because there was no topic we could really talk about, so we just sat there and bared those little kids (cousins or something) ~

We played memory, like little children ~ ok, it was a chilly atmosphere.

BUT THEN it was destroyed by her uncle and her dad, who have been drinking too much and were fighting. Her Dad (with a bloody nose, beaten up by the other one) came into the room, where we sat and told Lilly to call the police and some cabs.

In the end, it was a totally messed up "party".

I thought I'll pee in my pants, because I was so afraid of the fact that nothing more than a simple wodden door seperated us from the drunken people.

They might smashed the door and beat us up like they did with each other before.

I was glad, when my dad finally fetched us (me and WusLe). I couldn't really sleep much.

That was a really shock for me, seeing people punching each other at a birthday party. On such a day people should be happy and not destroy furniture �o.

I know it's not the best solution, but just to have an insurence of my personal safety, I won't go there again.

I'm glad that *itch stayed there and made a little of those dramaqueen-psychologistic thingies like saying "If you fall, I'll catch you!" with that strange expression on her face.

Gosh, that wasn't any Soap-opera in Tv - that was friggin' reality.

1st strike

2007-11-10T15:17:59Z

Hi, this is monday (Yes, I was so stupid chosing that name, problem? �o).

I'm still sitting in pyjama...and it's already afternoon here. Today one of my school has birthday. We aren't very close friends, but she's always nice to me. AND most important there'll be cake and stuff - so I go xD

Birthdays are a good chance to eat as much sweet stuff as you can (just like halloween, except all the fun you can have with scaring little kids and throwing eggs on houses xD).

I dyed my hair yesterday - I kinda look now like Ore-sama xD But I� luv meever xD

And it friggin' cold here, but I'm just too lazeh putting on the heat xD